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June added, You know, I realized after that one amazing evening I could have walked away from the marriage, and Mark and I would have stayed the best of friends.

June added, You know, I realized after that one amazing evening I could have walked away from the marriage, and Mark and I would have stayed the best of friends.I could have said, ‘I’d rather not,’ without feeling resigned or embattled.One of the students in the class was a young tenor who had just landed a job at the prestigious La Scala Opera Company in Milan and everything about his demeanor said that we were to take his recent success very seriously indeed.In this song, the hero is dreaming of the flowers and meadows of a springtime past when he delighted in the warm embraces of his beloved.The gently lilting music conjures up blissful joy, blissful fulfillment.Suddenly a crow screams from the rooftops—he awakens and discovers it is dark and cold.When I have my loved one in my arms again. But, despite the major key, we know from the dynamic markings and the shape of the phrasing that he will never get her back.This music is some of the most intimate, soft, subtle, and delicate in the repertoire.But when Jeffrey began to sing, there was no trace of melancholy.Out poured a glorious stream of rich, resonant, Italianate sound.Pure Jeffrey, taking himself very seriously.How could I induce him to look past himself in order to become a conduit for the expressive passion of the music?I began by asking him if he was willing to be coached.Oh, I love to be coached, he said breezily, though I doubt he had any idea of what was to follow.As each layer was peeled away and he got closer and closer to the raw vulnerability of Schubert’s distraught lover, his voice lost its patina and began to reveal the human soul beneath.His body, too, began to take on a softened and rounded turn.At the final words, When will I have my lover in my arms again? Jeffrey’s voice, now almost inaudible, seemed to reach us through some other channel than sound.Then, finally, tremendous applause.I thanked Jeffrey publicly for his willingness to give up his pride, his training, and his vocal accomplishment, and explained that our applause was for the sacrifice he had made to bring us to a place of understanding.I was simply expressing my conviction that no one in the room could be left unmoved.Later that evening, in the pub, the cameraman came up to me and asked how I had known he had been crying.He confessed that he hadn’t been able to see through his lens for his tears.As one person has the grace to practice the secret of Rule Number 6, others often follow.Now, with the calculating self revealed and humored, the central self shines through.The sixth pillar presents a tale of a different sort, about a little girl named Ilse, a childhood friend of Guerda Weissman Kline, in Auschwitz.Guerda remembers that Ilse, who was about six years old at the time, found one morning a single raspberry somewhere in the camp.Ilse carried it all day long in a protected place in her pocket, and in the evening, her eyes shining with happiness, she presented it to her friend Guerda on a leaf.Imagine a world, writes Guerda, in which your entire possession is one raspberry, and you give it to your friend.Such is the nature of the central self, a term we use to embrace the remarkably generative, prolific, and creative nature of ourselves and the world.We might even describe human development as the ongoing reconstruction of the calculating self toward the rich, free, compassionate, and expressive world of the central self.The practice of Rule Number 6 gives the facilitator in a negotiation a unique perspective.For the facilitator versed in this practice, conflict resolution is the art of paving the way for the parties’ central selves to take charge of the discussion.In the story that follows, the assumption was made that the two men’s calculating selves would each be plotting to win out over the other, pulling the conversation into the downward spiral, while their central selves would know a more direct route to a productive and

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